I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
