um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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