Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize