hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
