Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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