i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
this just has baby written all over it
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
