my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Will exercising make me less horny?
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