I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Enjoy the penises
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
