im six kinds of drunk right now
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
