20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
