What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
