Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
