She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
