Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
