Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
