there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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