so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
