come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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