oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
