why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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