just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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