Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
