Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
