There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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