A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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