and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
