Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I need a beard to bite.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
