im having a threesome with these popsicles
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
