Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
