omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The air was thick with penises
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
