oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
