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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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