I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
