oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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