i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
time to smoke my breakfast
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
