i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
