my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
