I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
