um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
