i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
