Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
