in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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