We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
