every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
