did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We got so high we made milksteak
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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