rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
