I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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