She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
