thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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