Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
