My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
