hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
