I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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