do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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