Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
