you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
