I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
