So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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