with your own penis?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
