first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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