Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
