I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
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