They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
try to milk me bitch
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
