i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
