the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
