im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
