forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize