Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
