she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
