He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
