got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
