I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
