return my video game
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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